The journey ahead
What we’re working on — and where we’re going
This is the full arc of what Val and Bruce are building here — from the foundations to the hardest material to the hope on the other side. Every topic below is something we have lived, learned, and want to share.
Topics and timing may shift as we go. That’s the honest truth of how real writing works.Progress across all phases
Foundations
There is always reason to hope
The most important thing we know — before anything else.
Foundations · 1A letter to you before we go further
What to hold onto as you enter the harder material.
A LetterFor those who wonder if hope applies to them
For those who feel too far gone to come home.
A LetterWhy we needed a therapist — and why you might too
What changed when we finally asked for help.
Foundations · 2The language of healing — why words matter
How naming things finally gave us power over them.
Foundations · 3Noble issues and the ones nobody talks about
Why some struggles get casseroles and others get silence.
Foundations · 4Challenges in Marriage
Most spouses genuinely try to make each other happy. The problem is almost never bad intentions — it’s a failure to understand what your partner actually needs.
Challenges · 1Expectations and communication
The conversations we never had — and the truces that silently destroyed us.
Challenges · 2Attachment styles
How the way we were raised shapes the way we love.
Challenges · 3Alignment of goals
What happens when two people grow in different directions.
Challenges · 4Mental illness
Understanding it as a disability — with compassion for everyone it touches.
Challenges · 5Personality disorders
What they are, what they aren’t, and how they affect relationships.
Challenges · 6Trauma and betrayal
What happens inside us when the person we trusted most lets us down.
Challenges · 7Addiction
Secrecy is the fuel of addiction — and what that costs everyone.
Challenges · 8Abuse
Physical, emotional, gaslighting — what it looks like and what to do.
Challenges · 9Infidelity
Betrayal, its aftermath, and whether marriages can survive it.
Challenges · 10The Decision
The decision to stay
Choosing to remain in a difficult marriage is just as valid and courageous as any other choice. This one is for those who have stayed — or are staying.
Decision · 1The ethical dilemma
The impossible choice — and what we learned from those who faced it.
Decision · 2Answers to prayers
Yes, no, not now, silence — and what to do with each.
Decision · 3Anguish
What it actually feels like — and how to survive it.
Decision · 4Navigating relationships during divorce
Children, family, friends — how to protect the people you love.
Decision · 5Happiness and ill will
You cannot be happier than you are willing to allow others to be.
Decision · 6Justice, boundaries and letting go
What real justice looks like — and what letting go actually costs.
Decision · 7Recovery & Hope
Light
How healing comes — line upon line, precept upon precept.
Recovery · 1Overcoming resentment and anger
The choice between bitterness and freedom — and how we made it.
Recovery · 2Wounds
The wound beneath the wound — and where healing actually begins.
Recovery · 3Worry and the power of heaven
What letting go of worry actually feels like — and what it makes possible.
Recovery · 4Self-compassion and authenticity
Treating yourself the way the Savior would treat you.
Recovery · 5Church culture and doctrine
Judgment, grace, and what the gospel actually teaches about divorce.
Recovery · 6Peace
What it actually feels like — and how you find it.
Recovery · 7Getting married again — and blessings of the experience
“I never knew.” The unexpected gifts of the hardest season of our lives.
Recovery · 8For Friends, Family & Leaders
What actually helps — for friends and family
How to show up for someone you love without making it worse.
For Supporters · 1For church leaders and communities
How to create a community where no one suffers alone in silence.
For Supporters · 2Going Deeper
The importance of self-reliance
What self-reliance really means — financially, emotionally, and spiritually — and why building it is one of the most loving things you can do.
Special TopicsThe cows still have to be milked
Where our phrase for self-reliance comes from — and what two farm kids learned about showing up that has stayed with them ever since.
Special TopicsSometimes you have to sell the farm
The same discipline that keeps you going through hard times can become the thing that keeps you from the decision that needs to be made.
Special TopicsBoundaries — a deep dive
What they really are, how to set them, and what to do when they go wrong.
Special TopicsJudgment — it is not always the man’s fault
The assumptions people make about divorce, who caused it, and who deserves sympathy — and why those assumptions hurt everyone.
Special TopicsTribalism
The us-versus-them mentality and what it costs families and communities.
Special TopicsA note on children and divorce
What we know from experience — and honest about what we don’t.
Special TopicsChurch culture and doctrine
Judgment, grace, and what the gospel actually teaches about divorce.
Special TopicsWhat are you most looking forward to?
Is there a topic above you’re especially waiting for? Something you wish was on the list? We genuinely want to know — this site exists for you.