ABOUT THE AUTHORS
We’ve been where you are.
Two people. Two very different marriages. Two divorces. And on the other side — more joy, more peace, and more love than either of us thought possible
About the authors
Val
Co-author
Val grew up on a farm in a close-knit faith community. She followed the “straight and narrow path” that was supposed to guarantee a happy life – marrying the right person, at the right time, in the right place. She was married for nearly thirty years. Her journey through her marriage and divorce was full of so much good, but also included shock, grief, anguish, and then eventually a freedom she hadn’t known she was missing. She writes with honesty, grace, and no ill will toward anyone.
Bruce
Co-author
Bruce grew up in a rural pioneer community, served a mission, and built his life around his faith. He did everything he was supposed to do. Going through a divorce was not in the plan. It was not even supposed to be a possibility. In the end, he did it because he felt it was the only way he could help his former spouse and his children. Later, he came to see that he also had to do it for his own mental health. He was married for more than thirty years. After his divorce, he found healing by turning to the Savior, working with a counselor, and learning to have compassion for himself and love himself the way God does.
How we found each other
Val & Bruce met (online) after they were each divorced — two people who had independently done some of the hard work of healing. They married, and continued to work on healing and making peace with the past. They have built a life together rooted in the gospel, in genuine partnership, and in gratitude for the paths that brought them to each other.
“I tell friends and family — I never knew. I have gone through things I never imagined possible and would never wish on anyone. I spent years praying every day that I could die, as that seemed the only way out. But now I am happier and more blessed than I ever imagined possible. I truly never knew.”
“I wanted to get married again, but I couldn’t imagine that the kind of person I was hoping for would be single. All the honorable, righteous, gentlemen in my age group were already married, or so I thought. I was surprised — and so grateful — to find a loving and trustworthy man who had also been through his own divorce, and came through it without turning away from God or becoming bitter.”
They now have been married for almost a decade. Their marriage and divorce experiences were very different from each other, which is exactly what makes their perspective valuable. This is not one voice, one story, or one kind of pain. It is two.
What this site is — and what it is not
This is not a site with all the answers. Val and Bruce are not licensed therapists, attorneys, or clergy. You will not find any recommendations of whether to divorce or stay married. That is between you, your spouse, and God. What you will find is two people who have lived through something difficult, learned a great deal in the process, and want to share what helped them — in the hope that it might help you.
This is a place for honest conversation about the things most people don’t talk about in church hallways or at family dinners. The topics that don’t automatically rally friends and neighbors to bring casseroles — the struggles that tend to get tucked away in silence because they feel private, too messy, too personal, or too easy for others to judge.
“We hope this website will be of value for people considering, currently experiencing, or already divorced — and those impacted by or trying to support those buried in these challenges. We know from personal experience how difficult and heart-wrenching this experience can be.”
—Val & Bruce
The content here draws from a possible book they have been working on, tentatively titled Finding Hope in Marriage, Divorce, and Beyond. They have also tried to make this a place where your voice matters — through comments, submitted stories, and community discussion.
What we believe
Some things we hold firmly.
Here is the short version. Every one of these has a story behind it.
It’s all about people.
We don’t judge. We try to understand.
Authenticity matters more than appearances.
Healing is not dependent on someone else changing.
Peace is possible — and it can be learned.
Kindness is love in action.
Contention is a choice — and so is peace.
We cannot be happier than we allow others to be.
None of these came easily. Every one has a story behind it — about what it cost us to learn it and why we now hold it firmly.
Read the stories behind each one →Our commitments to you
- → We love our former spouses and wish only the best for them. You will not find bitterness or blame here.
- → We believe in professional therapy — it changed our lives, and we will say so clearly and often.
- → We believe in the healing power of Jesus Christ above all else. He is the reason we are who we are today.
- → We believe in your dignity, whatever your situation looks like. We will not judge. We have lived through too much to judge.
- → We believe that healing is possible — not just as a platitude, but as something we have actually experienced.
- → This community will be moderated with kindness. Criticism of former spouses — ours or yours — is not welcome here.
A note on privacy
We have chosen to use our real first names — Val and Bruce — because authenticity matters to us. We write extensively about the courage it takes to stop pretending that our lives are perfect (to ourselves and to others), and it felt important to lead by example.
We do not use our last names, and we do not name our former spouses or other family members. Their privacy is something we protect with care. The scenarios and stories throughout this site are either our own clearly identified experiences, or composites and fictional illustrations of common situations. They are not intended to identify or call out any specific person.
Before you begin reading the harder material
We wrote two letters — one for those who have been hurt, and one for those who wonder if hope applies to them too.
Read: A letter to you before we go further → Read: For those who wonder if hope applies to them →Begin reading
Start with — a welcome and a declaration that no matter where you are, there is always reason to hope.