ABOUT THE AUTHORS
We’ve been where you are.
Two people. Two very different marriages. Two divorces. And on the other side — more joy, more peace, and more love than either of us thought possible
How we found each other
Val & Bruce met (online) after they were each divorced — two people who had independently done some of the hard work of healing. They married, and continued to work on healing and making peace with the past. They have built a life together rooted in the gospel, in genuine partnership, and in gratitude for the paths that brought them to each other.
“I tell friends and family — I never knew. My life has not gone at all as I planned. I have gone through things I never imagined possible and would never wish on anyone. But now I am happier and more blessed than I ever imagined possible. I truly never knew.”
“I wanted to get married again, but I couldn’t imagine that the kind of person I was hoping for would be single. All the honorable, righteous, gentlemen in my age group were already married, or so I thought. I was surprised — and so grateful — to find a loving and trustworthy man who had also been through his own divorce, and came through it without turning away from God or becoming bitter.”
They now have been married for almost a decade. Their marriage and divorce experiences were very different from each other, which is exactly what makes their perspective valuable. This is not one voice, one story, or one kind of pain. It is two.
What this site is — and what it is not
This is not a site with all the answers. Val and Bruce are not licensed therapists, attorneys, or clergy. You will not find any recommendations of whether to divorce or stay married. That is between you, your spouse, and God. What you will find is two people who have lived through something difficult, learned a great deal in the process, and want to share what helped them — in the hope that it might help you.
This is a place for honest conversation about the things most people don’t talk about in church hallways or at family dinners. The topics that don’t automatically rally friends and neighbors to bring casseroles — the struggles that tend to get tucked away in silence because they feel private, too messy, too personal, or too easy for others to judge.
This is also a place for those who have come through the worst and are learning to live what comes next — for whom the question is no longer survival, but how to use what they have learned.
“We hope this website will be of value for those navigating divorce — those considering it, those in it, those who have been through it, and those walking alongside someone they love. We know from personal experience how heart-wrenching this can be — and how much there is to live on the other side of it.”
—Val & Bruce
The content here draws from a possible book they have been working on, tentatively titled Finding Hope in Marriage, Divorce, and Beyond. They have also tried to make this a place where your voice matters — through comments, submitted stories, and community discussion.
What we believe
Some things we hold firmly.
Here is the short version. Every one of these has a story behind it.
It’s all about people and relationships.
We don’t judge. We try to understand.
Authenticity matters more than appearances.
Healing is not dependent on someone else changing.
Peace is possible — and it can be learned.
Kindness is love in action.
Contention is a choice — and so is peace.
We cannot be happier than we allow others to be.
None of these came easily. Every one has a story behind it — about what it cost us to learn it and why we now hold it firmly.
Read the stories behind each one →Our commitments to you
- → We love our former spouses and wish only the best for them. You will not find bitterness or blame here.
- → We believe in professional therapy — it changed our lives, and we will say so clearly and often.
- → We believe in the healing power of Jesus Christ. He is the reason we are who we are today.
- → We believe in your dignity, whatever your situation looks like. We will not judge. We have lived through too much to judge.
- → We believe that healing is possible — not just as a platitude, but as something we have actually experienced.
- → This community will be moderated with kindness. Criticism of former spouses — ours or yours — is not welcome here.
A note on privacy
We have chosen to use our real first names — Val and Bruce — because authenticity matters to us. We write extensively about the courage it takes to stop pretending that our lives are perfect (to ourselves and to others), and it felt important to lead by example.
We do not use our last names, and we do not name our former spouses or other family members. Their privacy is something we protect with care. The scenarios and stories throughout this site are either our own clearly identified experiences, or composites and fictional illustrations of common situations. They are not intended to identify or call out any specific person.
Before you begin reading the harder material
We wrote two letters — one for those who have been hurt, and one for those who wonder if hope applies to them too.
Read: A letter to you before we go further → Read: For those who wonder if hope applies to them →Begin reading
Start with — a welcome and a declaration that no matter where you are, there is always reason to hope.